Dear Borpo, You're a jerk. Love Kohl

Let's talk about Oprah for a second. I used to love her. I loved when my Mom would be watching her show when I got home from school. I loved it when my Mom had it recorded on the DVR. When I go home for Christmas I could watch hours of Oprah. I loved the way she talked and I loved all of the nonsense she put into our dumb brains.

Oprah is a life ruiner, she ruins people's lives.

Let me explain why, I'm sure you will agree. My wonderful husband usually has to work on the weekends. I am off on the weekends. So Saturday and Sunday are the days I clean, try out recipes, rest my bahdy, shop, and do the laundry. Most importantly Saturday and Sunday are the days I watch Discovery Health Channel alllllllll ddaaaaayyyyyy loooonnnnngggg. I love it so much. The shows they have on there are the best. I would recommend you turn on your tv and convert but I can't. Mostly because Oprah is the devil. You see, Oprah has lots of money, but she can't just knock it off. So she purchased Discovery Health Channel and turned it into OWN. This ruined my weekends.

At first it was a big problem but now let me show you how my Sundays go. Discovery Health Channel has been replaced, it will be missed, but maybe not...

I wake up to pee. This isn't a pleasant way to wake up but thanks anyways monster.

I stretch out a little bit to try and get my monster to settle down. He is quite crazy in the mornings. Then I start gawking at food. I highly recommend this for an every day activity.

www.foodgawker.com..... enjoy the stomach porn.

Then my day really starts...

I start cleaning. One thing my mother taught me that has come in handy the most is to constantly be cleaning. If any of you have met my Mom, you will understand what I mean. I love it. Our house is always clean, dishes are always done, nothing is dusty, nothing is dirty, and you can always eat the food you dropped on the floor.

Once my house is put together, I collect my cooking necessities. This is my corner. Where the "magic" happens. I know it doesn't look like much, but trust me.... I do work. Good work.

Then I get started. This is serious business so I don't take many pictures. Usually not until I have a product. I will admit something though, I'm not much of a baker. I'm an amazing cook, but not a great baker. I can cook just about anything without a recipe. My palette is pretty great so I can usually replicate most things. Not when it comes to baking.... if I don't follow the recipe exactly and sit next to the stove, I ruin it. I know I'm really special...

I don't know if you can tell by the picture but I'm trying pretzels today. My monster loves salt and carbs. So I am making him pretzels today. I know I will be a great mom, or I'll just have an obese family... either way we will all be happy.

They weren't that hard. I've never been good at breads but this was an easy start. Of course I haven't tasted them yet... but it wasn't that difficult. I was really proud of myself for attempting a bread. It was so fun! The rolling, the twisting... the salting! Plus, pretzels rock!

So while baking I had to have a quick snack... yes this is a snack for me. I promise I'm not 1,000 pounds. This monster has completely destroyed my want for good wholesome food and replaced it with salt and carbonation.

Notice the jar of pickles? Here is a little hint into the staple of my diet....

This is the amount of pickles and olives I eat in a week. The jar on the left will be empty by tonight, you can bet on it.

Back to the pretzels.... they are quite cute. All thick and stuffy. They kind of remind me of chunky baby legs. What could be better then chunky baby legs? Chunky baby legs with butter and salt all over them.

I don't know if you have really jumped into the salt world... but let me tell you. You haven't lived until you do. Salt is so amazing. There is so much more to it then just table iodized salt. It's amazing cube structure, the taste, and how it works so well in every recipe. In my cupboard I have the following kinds of salts.... flakes, kosher, cubes, flavored salts (lots of those), and rubbing salts. I hate it when people say "It's too salty." There is no such taste as "too salty". Most people don't even know the start of salt. My salt blocks will be coming soon... more on those later.

This is the amazing flaked salt I will be using on my pretzels today. Go look at salts... you won't regret it.

PREEEEEHHHHHHHHTZELS!!!!! You get a pretzel! She gets a pretzel! He can have a pretzel! I'm getting a pretzel! WE ALL GET PREEEEEHHHHHHTTTTZZEEELLLSS!!!!! - That was in my Oprah voice. If you have watched one of her favorite things episode you will know what I'm talking about.

I will soon post a picture of how delicious these are as soon as my husband gets home. Someone has to make sure they aren't poisoned and it won't be me....

P.S. If you would like a clue into my title, please go watch 30 Rock - season 3 - episode 2 - "Believe In the Stars" If you do not watch this show... please, do yourself the favor and start enjoying your life. Take a look into the amazing world of 30Rock